


A Date With Rosie Palms

by i-eat-the-whole-ass (pleasejustno)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, if u know where i got the title from ilu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 16:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5255786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasejustno/pseuds/i-eat-the-whole-ass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto has a hot date. </p><p>Except not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Date With Rosie Palms

**Author's Note:**

> wink wonk wank

It's a sunny Sunday, and there's some guy seemingly in a rush, sprinting across zebra crossings and squeezing through people on sidewalks.

"Sorry, sorry!" he calls out repetitively as he runs down another street and bursts through the doors of a small, quaint café.

People look up and stare at the loud intrusion, but Bokuto pays no attention to them, eyes scanning the entire space before him to look for the person he was supposed to meet.

A small child passes under one of his spread arms, his hands still holding onto both sides of the doorframe as he focuses all of his attention on looking for a dark, messy-haired human.

"Kuroo!" he shouts happily when he spots his target's hair peeking out over a large menu. He bounds over to the table where said person is sitting, hiding his face in a menu.

Bokuto slides into the seat opposite him and tries to pry the menu away from Kuroo. "Hey, Kuroo! Hey!"

"Hi," Kuroo lowers the menu, "You're late."

"I'm always late, though."

Kuroo reels backwards. "I can't believe you. On a _first date_?"

Distractedly flipping through the menu Kuroo put down, Bokuto looks up at the words 'first date'. "What first date?"

"You fool, we're supposed to be roleplaying like we're on a first date right now!"

Silence ascends upon their table.

"Oh."

Kuroo hangs his head, faking disappointment, and Bokuto reaches out a hand to shake his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he purses his lips and puts on his best puppy face. "Let's start over."

 

* * *

 

Five minutes later with coffee on their table, Bokuto leans forward, wearing a flirty expression on his face. "So, tell me more about yourself."

"This oddly feels like a job interview gone wrong."

"Kuroo!" Bokuto whines.

Kuroo sniggers. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."

"You're not making this any easier."

"All right, I'll answer properly. Well... I don't really like cats, but cats like me."

"Aren't you the captain of a volleyball team called 'Nekoma' though? Heh."

"What are you smirking about? You think I'm not fit to be captain?" Kuroo gives him a look.

Bokuto wipes at the sweat that's suddenly beaded at his temples. "No, no, don't misunderstand! I was just thinking it was odd that you don't like cats but you're on a team called 'Nekoma'."

When Kuroo doesn't reply, Bokuto excuses himself to go to the restrooms.

In the restroom, Bokuto calls Akaashi on his cellphone for backup.

"Bokuto-san, I am on a date."

Bokuto takes a seat in a cubicle, worriedly wiping his sweaty palms on his pants in turn. "Akaashi, please help me. I think Kuroo's mad at me!"

(Contrary to what Bokuto thought, Kuroo wasn't mad. He just hadn't known how else to reply.)

"What's new? If you don't have anything of importance to ask of me then can you please hang up right now?"

In the background, Bokuto can hear Tsukishima talking to someone else, and his face sours."So that's how it is, huh? You'd cut off your captain for a little date where you can smoochy-smooch with Tsukishima," he sulks.

"Please, Bokuto-san," Akaashi pleads and Bokuto can almost hear his mild exasperation, but does Bokuto care?

No, he doesn't.

"This is serious, Akaashi! I messed up with the way I said something and then Kuroo didn't reply!"

Akaashi sighs. "First, tell me what's going on with the both of you."

"Well, we're currently roleplaying. We're pretending that we're on a first date, so we have to act like we're getting to know each other all over again." Bokuto hums. "Yeah, that's basically it."

Somewhere across Tokyo, Akaashi hangs up, wanting absolutely nothing to do with Bokuto and Kuroo's weird shenanigans when it came to their relationship.

On Bokuto's side of the line, he hears the phone line go dead, and he explodes. "Fine! Go and smoochy-smooch your face _off_ with Tsukishima for all I care!" he yells at his phone. "How dare this setter! Leaving his captain when he needs help with this crisis," Bokuto mutters to himself as he unlocks his cubicle door. He washes his hands and wrings them dry as he heads back to their table.

Their table where Kuroo is nowhere to be seen.

Almost heartbroken, Bokuto slumps in his seat. It's then that he spots a note left by Kuroo, written on a napkin.

_Something came up while you were in the toilet, I had to go, sorry. Also, I'm not mad at you. Call you later. I've paid for our coffee._

Bokuto clutches the napkin to his chest dramatically and smiles to himself. "Kuroo really is the best boyfriend," he sniffs happily, because he'd forgotten to bring his wallet with him today.

After he finishes his coffee (and Kuroo's that was left unfinished), he goes home a lone man.

 

* * *

 

Being a 17-year old boy with nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon, Bokuto currently has his hands down his pants as he lies in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

His thoughts wander from cats to Kuroo to cats again. Then back to Kuroo.

So he decides to call Kuroo.

Kuroo picks up after the second ring, and Bokuto's still stroking himself when he greets hello.

"Are you having fun wherever you are?"

"Not really. I'm with my mum right now, helping with the groceries. Sorry for ditching. I love you," Kuroo whispers the last sentence.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Bokuto takes his hand off of himself to pull his pants down lower, then goes back to jerking off. " _Really_ really?"

"Really really."

Through the phone, he can hear the squeaking of trolleys and the chatter of people discussing what to have for dinner tonight.

"Saying 'I love you' doesn't solve everything..."

"I'll make it up to you, okay? Anyway, where are you now? What are you doing?"

Bokuto thinks for a moment. "Oh you know... just having a hot date with someone else since my original date ditched me."

"By hot date you mean your hand."

Bokuto's hand pumping his dick falters.

"Fuck off, Kuroo!"

"Hey, you're the one who called me in the first place."

"Well, now I regret calling you."

Kuroo's laugh comes through the phone well, and it makes Bokuto smile.

"Okay, you go ahead and continue your hot date. My mum's waiting for me to bring some broccolli to the trolley. Call me again when you feel like it."

Kuroo hangs up before Bokuto can say goodbye, and the latter nearly throws his phone across his room at that.

"Everyone hangs up on me! I'm never fast enough. Watch me, next time _I'll_ be first to hang up!" he declares to himself, masturbating furiously.

 

* * *

 

Bokuto calls Kuroo immediately after he's done, his come still cooling in his palm and on his abdomen.

"Hello, I love you," he says sappily into the phone when Kuroo answers.

"Did you just finish your wank session?"

"Yeah, I did," Bokuto sighs.

"Ok, well, go clean up. I love you, too, so much. I'll see you tomorrow at the practice match after school." Kuroo makes some kissy noises which Bokuto manages to reciprocate before Kuroo hangs up.

It takes moments before Bokuto realizes that the line's gone dead and that he's been making the rest of the kissy noises to himself.

His mother downstairs shouts at him to shut up when he starts yelling about being too slow to hang up first again.

**Author's Note:**

> rated 'M' for Masturbation bc that's how it works right?
> 
> jk
> 
> also i never really would have thought a time would come when i would need to use the 'Kuroo Tetsurou's Mother' tag...
> 
> i keep meaning to write akaashi and tsukki doing the smoochy-smooch in their own fic but bokuroo just keep popping up in my head the way they do when akaashi and tsukki are trying to have a nice, calm date.


End file.
